On the surface I am a realist, but deep down I’m actually an idealist in many parts of my life, but especially in love. I’m in love with the idea of love to be honest. This has been particularly hard to admit to myself, especially when this boy would rather text on his phone than look up at me. This 2014 love, this modern romance— it makes me feel sick and bored. So I create my own idealistic moments of fun which surprises people, and this boy looks at me like I’m half crazy—and maybe I am—but is it so wrong to want more out of life, and out of people than the persona they can’t seem to part with? Is it so wrong to want to stop feeling guilty for doing something kind just because I felt like being kind, or for being deeply honest with a person about what’s really going on inside my mind?
I realize a person only has a small window of opportunity to convince another person to stay (and I hate it!). It’s this gamble of either throwing all your cards on the table saying, “Hey, I’m broken, I love this way, ya interested?” or keeping tightly shut and praying to gods he/she asks the one/right question that’ll unravel yourself.
My generation has grown impatient and fickle.
It’s scary spilling all my secrets to another human-being after I’ve promised myself I would never go down that road again…but learning to trust blindly may just serve me well. Only time will tell.
I’m about to do something incredibly impulsive, slightly stupid, and not to mention completely outside of my comfort zone right about now. And either this boy is going to think I’m insanely nuts or incredibly creative. Fingers crossed he goes with it.
Messy hair, ugly shirt, and a bowl of noodles. I’m sold. Everything I love in a man.